Lessons in Loyalty
by PHDinSPN
Summary: Coda to 9x07. Sonny always regretted letting Dean go, but through years of erratic contact with the oldest Winchester he would learn to forgive himself and the selfless selfishness of loyalty and love between brothers. Narrative ranges from pre-series to Season 9 Outsider POV, Weechesters, Teenchesters and Stanford Era.


**A/N: Coda to Bad Boys. I wanted to explore some of Sonny's past with Dean after his stay. Especially the Stanford Years. Loved that episode :D**

**Unbeta'ed so all mistakes are mine and I apologize.**

**Spoilers: All aired episodes especially 907**

**Disclaimer: I dont own supernatural...thats depressing**

**Enjoy! I love feedback  
**

* * *

I have made my share of mistakes and have more than my share of regrets. But I have learned the art of moving on. Letting Dean go with his father that night still haunts me; I always felt like I failed him though I tried as hard as I knew to do without making his choice for him. Someone has to want to be saved for you to save them. That night is seared in my memory.

I told him his father was waiting and that I would fight for him to stay. He had so much potential. In only two months, he had made a start on a new life; he made more progress than most of the boys I helped ever did. For a second he teetered on a yes and then he looked outside. When he turned back his load was lightened but I knew he was gone. As I watched him leave, I told myself I did what I could, but that never was enough to let me move past my disappointment.

I didn't hear from Dean for years; he was my biggest regret from my reformed phase of life so I never forgot him. But then almost six years later he showed up on my doorstop.

He stunk; wearing whisky and desperation . He looked like he has gone ten rounds with a gorilla and barely lived to tell the tale. Common sense told me to turn him away; His being there could revoke my license, but I have always been a sucker for lost causes and second chances, I have been the former too many times not to. So I let him in.

At first he didn't say much, but he fell back into the routine of those two months; throwing himself into working the farm with the desperation of a man fighting to forget. He worked longer hours than anyone else; waking up before dawn and coming back long after dusk. He was running from his problems; it seemed the whiskey had failed so he had turned to good old fashion exhaustion to do the job. I knew that he would lose the fight, you cant run from yourself.

I didn't ask too many questions at first knowing he needed time to come to me of his own accord. I knew the value of privacy and Dean had always been reticent about his life. It took longer than I expected but finally one night after chores Dean came clean.

It all came out; about hunting and his dad. Turns out his dad left him for a job. Dean's bitter huff was too good for that man. That was the second time he had abandoned his child and my empathy for the man was running on empty. On the surface Dean's story was the same as many of the boys that passed through my doors; broken home, instability and abandonment, but his also had the addition of literal monsters. I didn't believe him at first, but his stories had too much sincerity and I knew Dean's tells. It wasn't until he left one day after reading about a series of accidents at a local farm that I started to believe. I knew the farmer and after a few beers he told me about how his wife had been haunting him and how Dean had saved him. It was impossible but I have always believed the truth can be found in a man's eyes and it was their in both his and Dean's eyes. My full acceptance took until I needed his special brand of expertise.

Late into the night of confession, I learned a new name. Sam. Dean spoke it hesitantly but almost reverently. It seems Sam had gotten a full-ride to Stanford and their father had kicked him out. Dean's dad was a real piece of work. The pride in Dean's voice was unmistakable as was the pain. I knew Dean had a brother, I had read his file after all, but in all the time he had spent with me, Sam was never mentioned. I assumed they weren't close; difficult family situations either cleave children together or alienate them; so I didn't question it.

Once the dam was opened, it couldn't be closed and I learned about Sammy. I learned that he wants to be Sam, but to Dean he will always be Sammy. That he grew too tall and wore his hair too long. Loved books and was a hopeless geek. Hated hunting but was a dead shot. Had no taste in music or appreciation for the classic cars. I learned that the amulet that had gotten into countless fights over was a gift from Sam and he never took it off. It went on and on. When Dean talked about Sam he smiled. It took me longer than I should to place that smile. It was the same smile I saw in the glass the day Dean left. I guess I know now why he left.

I thought Dean had left out of misplaced loyalty to an absent father, but I was wrong. Dean's loyalty was out of love and far from misplaced. Knowing that I could move on, and start to forgive myself.

Dean stayed on for a week or so after that. Every night we would sit up and talk after the boys went to bed, sometimes it was about the farm and others about the hunts Dean had seen. I knew that Dean would be moving on; his restlessness was always there beneath the surface. He had needed a safe place to land and recover from his brother's leaving and I was happy I could provide that, but I knew I was only a waypoint. I was a poor replacement for a floppy haired brother.

When Dean left this time he promised to keep in touch and this time I believed him. He dropped me a line a couple times a year; usually just long enough to tell me he was still alive and rarely did I tell him about a potential case. I worried about him most the years Sam was at Stanford as I could sense his increasing listlessness; In fact when his dad disappeared again, I urged him to his brother. Dean was a ship adrift during those years anchored by chains of duty to his father, the hunt and to individuals that cared such as me; without his father he was doomed to drift out to sea, so I urged him to the only thing that could right the ship and give it true direction again. I got a call from him after a Wendigo hunt in Oregon and smiled at every 'we' knowing that the ship was sailing strong, once again whole.

It would take another decade before I met Sam and I have to say seeing them together was a sight. I had thought I finally knew the real Dean, but without Sam I was just getting half the picture and what a picture it was. I once warned Dean about misplaced loyalty and the importance of doing what's best for you, and on looking at those boys leave shoulders bumping, I knew he always had.

* * *

**Thanks for reading please review and Happy Thanksgiving!**


End file.
